did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
