when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
