i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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