He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
