i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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