if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
