Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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