I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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