also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I AM VODKA MAN
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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