I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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