i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
