I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Small penises have feelings too.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
