I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
