And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
