Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
