so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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