i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
