Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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