I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
