We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
