mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
