please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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