I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
