I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
