just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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