we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
