Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
