People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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