He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
