I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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