I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
