I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
