party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
