How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
