I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
