I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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