i already hear my dad disowning me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
