She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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