I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
