how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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