you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
