it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's like iHOP with fire
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
