i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she pinky promised me she was 18
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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