Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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