i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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