i think my tv is drunk
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
