I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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