nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drunk is not a location!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
