i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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