I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
that's an acceptable place to lick
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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