i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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