Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
More tranny stories later!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no you cant smoke seaweed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
