I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This is classic penis vs brain.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
