I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
