i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
